Seen my Dr finally a day after Election

Seen my Dr. on the 7th and had a long talk with him . I told him that I need a light at the end of the Tunnel and so he scheduled me for a PET SCAN on the 26th this month ! He did tell me to fight and I told him that I am tired of Chemo that makes me hurt all over and I am not sure if I wanted to live my last Years in that kind of shape !
Then that afternoon my Husband is telling me that he don't feel good and by 18:00 he asked me to call 911 since he felt like a stroke ! Our youngest son came over and the Fire department and Ambulance took him to SMH and I stayed home because I was supposed to get Chemo . That night I could hardly sleep and when I finally slept he called me from the Hospital . They kept him overnight and I was glad because I wanted to know what went wrong . Later on that Day I went to see him against my Dr's Advise but I had to go  and had no choice ! Now I really do hate this Hospital but they are the only ones to have a Neurologist  ! When I got there our youngest son was there and  he asked me if I was done with the Chemo and I called in that day that I could not come in because my Husband ! But I said that they called me and told me that my Platelets where 2 low for Chemo ( Little white lie ! ) But I just can't be feeling bad when he needs me ! But I felt bad anyway ! I stayed 4 Hours and went home ! The way he was talking to the Nurses got on my last nerves . At home I called our Grandson and told him what is going on 1 we TALKED  for a long time and he told me NOT to smoke ! I did confess to his Girlfriend that I did buy a pack and smoked one ! I know he is right and I am totally ashamed that I still sneak Cigarettes ! But sometimes I tell myself that it doesn't matter with Stage 4 Cancer ! Let's face it , it is the Depression that makes me smoke ! But I need to get stronger to fight this damn Cancer . Friday I was able to take my Husband home ! He acted so weird ! He hugged all the Nurses and blew them kisses ,