Hubby still so very sick

He is getting sicker and sicker ... and I am totally helpless . he now has 17 pounds of fluid god knows where . but he will still not go to the Hospital . I been worried sick about him and have put my treatment off so I can take care of him !  But I am at the end of my Sanity and even the sons are of no help right now ! But that's ok . Somebody has to help . I will call the Dr. Monday and maybe he can fit him in this week . we hardly get any sleep .

Needed some time out

Hubby is STILL sick and went to heart Doctor and he is retaining 15 Pounds of Fluid ! We don't know where the fluid is ! He sounds terrible and I have developed a Cough now !
Wednesday Erna and me went to the casino overnight ! Loved it !  Had a few Beers and just relaxed ! Called Hubby every so many Hours to check on him .

Hubby is sick again !

So much has happened !  Hubby is sick again with his Lungs it started a couple of days ago ! I wanted to bring him ti the ER but he refused !  I am wore out .  1 Haven't slept much since he got sick !
Found someone that will help me with my book ,  he is a Publisher . Well , I better get on it huh ?
If he is still this sick in the morning He WILL go to the ER .
Haven;t been much out of the house since last Sunday !

Strangers can make you feel like a Million Bucks

Yesterday we went to the Casino and had a really nice time ! I love to play the Penny slots :) Makes me happy and entertains me . We are usually gamble separately because we like different slots . Our favorite waitress was there and she gave me such a wonderful Gift . 2 Medallions that where blessed  by a Priest ;  a Virgin Mary and a St. P.   ( will add the name later  ) and a Prayer ! I was in tears and it reminded me of Mimi :) I need spirituality right now .
Tomorrow  have my appointment with Dr . C and the time of Truth has come ! There will be no more Illusions about my Cancer  , I have to know the truth and then I will deal with it .I will under no circumstances bring Weldon with me . He don't need any Stress right now and I might stop at the Veterans Club . Maybe I will drink Water as usually or I will tie one on , all depends on the outcome ! I been praying about it and it is in Gods Hands !

Hubby being sweet

Husband been real sweet this Morning ( 11:00 ) He made coffee while I was on the phone with his Cousins wife and he brought me a cup :)
When he is sweet he is really sweet but when he is not he is really NOT .  Hey ; I can't complain ,  we are sitting pretty and don't have to worry about where our next meal comes from !  But I feel bad for the rest of the people who are one Pay check away from being homeless .
I believe that he worries more about me dying then I can comprehend . 
I worked in my Front Yard for about 15 Minutes just loosing up the Dirt ; getting it ready for planting Flowers . I want to do some more tomorrow and also work in the back yard . Every little bit will help me . Staying busy when I can but my Energy is not back yet .

Please give me good News Tuesday

It is really scary to wait for Results !  Tuesday I will finally find out !
Elke called me today and it was a nice conversation . She was so grateful for the Money we send her and she couldn't believe that we did that ! But that is what Friends do ! A Friendship needs to be groomed and cherished and when one of your Friends is in trouble you just react . I love my Friends , Teri , Janet , Liane , Doris the two Elke's   and it  also my Online friends like Mimi , Kat , Tami and Al  that a treasure !  I think that they all have gotten me through this Crap .
I am weak today but hey tomorrow will be a better day !  Yesterday was a lazy day and guess what ? Today was a lazy day also !  <<< laughing >>>  I did get the Laundry done and that was about it . He wasn't feeling to good either so he slept half the day away .
When I don't get at least 6 Hours of sleep I get cranky . But he can sleep 10 - 12 Hours
( Depression ) Boy do I know about Depression !  But still , I want to make other people smile and every day is a struggle but I know my God and my Angels are with me to make me well and better . You can never ever give up ! Even when the odds are against you !

Need to self adjust !

Sometimes it is hard to keep my mouth shut ! I know that I am not the one that is making everything difficult ! So what I have Cancer ? So what I have Chemo fog ? My heart is telling me that I am just not that strong yet . Anybody that really knows me , also  knows that I hate any confrontations and arguing ! I swallow a lot before I blow up ! And when I finally blow up I am out of Control . A Nurse  told me  once that  a Illness or a Decease can make or brake a Marriage . Yes that is true !
Really not in the mood to get in to this subject !
All I know is this : I am no longer the person I used to be ! I have changed ! Seems to me like I have to really go deep inside of myself , in Order to make radical Changes ! But if he can't handle me when I am sick : then I don't believe we can make it . I know just the thought of it makes me feel uncomfortable . I would never get a Divorce ! After almost 30 Years  we can live together and we both just life our life's individually . 

Stressed out !!!

I am again so depressed that I am disgusted with myself ! My Day started really good . Husband had appointment with his Shrink and when he came home he told me that his Dr said to keep all stress away from him ! And that was enough to just push my Buttons ! I was instantly aggravated , while I was cleaning the kitchen trying to get the Table emptied  so I could actually lay something down on it hey it is a Table ! I done cleaned the Pantry out and labeled everything ! ( Wondering how long that last's ) I did Laundry and I cut the Grass  ! Yes I am exhausted but I am proud of what I done .
Tomorrow I have Lunch with Erna ; we are going to the Casino ! Yeah ... I think the House is caving in on me !
I might have to make another FB account since I know I been hacked and I have changed my stuff but I am still worried about it ! Crap !