I lost the Battle over the Camper !

My heart is broken over the Travel Trailer  ! He was so upset that when our younger Son talked to him on the Phone , that he screamed and hung up on him ! MANIC !
I am sick to my stomach over this shit and I damn sure don't need this stress ! So , go ahead and get your shoe box if that keeps you from being upset over something so dumb ! But don't expect me to be happy about it !  No , I am not happy about it and more then likely never will be .
I understand that he hates to ask for help when he hooks the Camper up and he wants to be happy about independent , but a Shoe box ? I don't get it !
So now he wants me to be happy too ? No , sorry I can't !  I am just so disappointed that he made this Decision without even wasting one moment on how I feel about that and how this Stress affects my Cancer ! Selfish ? Careless ? Or just losing his Mind ?

Trade in my Camper ? Are you Nuts ?

Weldon has really changed , there s no kind word from him . He is now mainly Manic ! Last Thursday he came home and told me that he wanted to trade our 16.ooo $ Camper for a 15 Feet Shoebox ! So on Friday I drove with him to Hammond and looked at the Shoebox ! No I don't like it at all ! It has no Bed in it , only the Dinette Bed , if you want to call it a Bed ! I was shocked that he was willing to give up the Camper ( 19 feet ) that I paid for .  Our camper is small but we have privacy ! It is my second House ! I love it . He finally told me that it is to hard to get it hooked up ! The Heat and the cold gives him trouble  with his heart . But a shoebox ??? No fucking way ! I want to be comfortable and I will be a Bitch until he comes to his senses . For 30 Years I put up with all the shit he put me trough ! No more ! He could care less right now , how I feel as long as he gets what he want ! His hoarding has become so overwhelming to me that I don't even want to sit in our Living room ! He is sleeping in the Living room because he has to sleep at a incline and I sleep in the Bedroom ! Yesterday I opened a Bottle of Champagne and I am finishing it right now ! I need to be myself and right now I feel like a Puppet on a string !
I have started to be a Juicer ~ Liane's Idea . and I love those Drinks ! The make me feel so good !
Tomorrow I will go and leave the House ! I stopped by the Legion and yes John was there and I love talking to him because he seems to be so cool . John has become a really good Friend and so is Rhonda and Janet and Jim , They told me to call them when I need help ! Good Friends are rare ...

Survived my Company !

Thank God that my Company only stayed 2 days ! It was a sad Visit in a way : I guess they expected us to die soon ! Anyway I made the best out of it  and showed them the Beach took them to a Casino where I had 3 free meals ! We all won a few Bucks and everyone was happy . When they left Friday Afternoon I fell apart  and slept for 14 Hours straight . I was so worn out !
Went with Weldon to Cardiac rehab and I think now he understands how dangerous it was for him to wait so long  . His heart is weak and he only weighs 208 pounds now !
I saw my Cancer Dr. yesterday and had my melt down > Crying my eyes out and telling him the truth about my Husband > Also told him that I picked up a Cigarette again and he just gave me a hug and told me that it is like riding a Bike once you fall off you get back on Track !

Not up for company

What I went through with Hubby in the last couple of weeks is a DRAMA ! He filled up with fluid and then his feet , and before we knew it was 17 Pounds of fluid ! But the true numbers where 30 Pounds and his belly looked like it would burst at any minute !
Finally since I put him in the Hospital where they only kept him for 4 days ! The ER Dr. said 48 more Hours and he would have been dead !
He was constantly falling and I didn't know anymore what to do ! I wasn't happy that he came home so quick but I realize that Dr's and Hospitals don't give a shit unless they make money !  I am so weak now that I can get around barely . I drove him to his eye Appointment ; then I finally went for a Blood test !  Then we stopped by Subways and picked him up some food and we went home !  Got a phone call from Jerry this morning and NOW THEY ARE coming !  My God People ! You don't know how much stress that is for me ? But hey who cares ?

I might just end it

Monday morning at 11 AM I brought Weldon into the ER and he was admitted !  He was in severe Heart failure ! Finally  he is where he should have been 2 weeks ago ! Tuesday I spend all day with him and he slept most of the time .  He has lost some Fluid ( 4 Pounds ) and he can finally pee ! When I went home I was feeling relaxed because I knew he was taken care of . But when I came this morning and he told me that the Dr. will let him go in a day or so , I just came unglued and looked at his feet and said that he was not coming home until ALL the swelling came down and he told me not to question his Doctors and to get the fuck out of his room . I told him that I am leaving now and I would not come back and he should call his son's from now on ! I left !
I called our youngest and he calmed me down and told me that I needed to calm down and get some sleep and he will take care of Dad > He is my Strength < I feel somewhat better but I will no longer say anything anymore !