It is in your hands GOD , your will be done ...

So tomorrow is the day of TRUTH !
Last Night I was up all night because I had to take a Pain pill and they keep me up , but that one pill helped . I haven't had pain like that in a long time ( didn't take anything for pain except for Aleve ) But I did a lot on the Computer and checking on Deals in Disney World .
I also started to write my Christmas cards , so I will not procrastinate and get them out  on time . I also did our annual " Goodies  Halloween and Veterans Bags "  Dr. Offices . 26 bags for the staff and 3 for some special people there :) Weldon took stuff to his Heart Doctor's office and made them happy !
For my Cancer group ( Nurses and Dr. and the Volunteer Guy that holds the door open )
I also made some little bags with some Beads and Candy and a Flag .
I put something together for 3  Friends  of mine .... And then Christmas comes !
Been awake for 34 Hours and MUST rest now !

Hepatitis C and Stage 4 Lungcancer

Men can be so insensitive . I am sure that it isn't easy to deal with the stress of my illness with Hepatitis C ; and now with Cancer , Sometimes I feel like I am a burden and I hate to ask for help . But I am so hoping that this  " Pet Scan " has a good outcome ! The guy stuck me 3 times and guess what ? I am allergic to Iodine so the Contrast would have made me sick . But I am hoping that I will get news on Thursday ! I am trying to convince my Hubby ( sometimes he is a Saint and part time asshole ) NOT to go with me on Thursday because I don't want him to be there when the test's are not good ! I can handle the truth but not him ! I don't want him there !
Sometimes I go by what I was raised with ! Born and raised in Germany . I am a strong Person that hardly showed her feelings  before I came in this Country  . Now I am all about Family and love and togetherness .
My Citizenship was on of my highlights of living here ! My first President I voted for was Bill Clinton .

 

I see this World in my eyes  ; a better World , without killings and Wars . And mostly Neighbors helping Neighbors and Family helping Family ! No hate , no anger only Love ! Wouldn't that be just awesome ?

Husband get's frustrated

Thanksgiving I walked home from Chad's and it did me good , I have been pretty active in the last couple of days . But yesterday my other half slept til' 4 PM ! So I did nothing after he got up . He was very moody and when I told him a story about a T.V. Show and he said " You told me that at least 3 times ! Boy , that hurt . The he said  " I understand since you have only e to talk to " Needless to say that I was pissed ! So today will be a very Quiet day :)

Good Night of sleep

I slept wonderful last night ! It was such a wonderful day yesterday and I got to work outside and I enjoyed it so much . I also cleaned the new Shed out and took my Christmas container out , it has  a lot of  " Goodie's  " in it .
Today I just want to do little Gifts for Christmas ! I am not sure how many gift's I need  and then bring some of them to the Veterans Club .
Well, I am going for now !

Both of us couldn't sleep last Night ! We finally went to bed around 6:00 AM ! Therefore we slept until 13:00 AM . Sometimes we get like that . I was on a good time schedule . I would go to bed around Midnight and get up in the morning around
8:00 AM  .The last 3days I have  felt pretty good and I overdid things ! I feel every muscle in my Body .
I cleaned out some of my paperwork and emptied some of the Crap I had in my Closet of my PC Room ! Wow, you could not believe the stuff I found .
Dr.Morales  and his Crew , Dr. Casey's stuff is done and his crew , Dr. Albright is done and his staff ! I also made some little things for the Nurses in the Cancer Hospital  ! The only one I have left to do is Dr. Epps and his 2 employers .
Today I replanted some of my plants and got some Oregano from Anastasia ! I want to dig me up  another part of the yard where I can grow a lot of Vegetables . That will be my Project since it will take me a couple of days to dig it up . Maybe I just dig it up and plant my stuff next Year ! We will see !

I find that when I write in the Morning , it is harder then writing in  the evening .
Might be because I am more relaxed toward the Evening .
Anyway , hubby felt tired all day because his restless leg Syndrome kept waking  him up and of course I wake up too ! He stayed in Bed until 13:00 and was sluggish all day .
I worked some more on the " Goodie Bags " for the Doctor Offices and have enough made for Dr. Casey's Office !
I will also get a Head count for Dr. Albright's Office . Then I have something for the Nurses in the Cancer Hospital ! Not a whole lot but a little bit of appreciation !
Yesterday I did a lot of searching on the Disney Website wrote all kinds of things down and will print it today .
My Hep C is still there and it seems like I will be right : HEP C IS NOT GONNA KILL ME !

Today is Sunday and I got up at 11:00 AM  since I stayed up a little later last Night .
Hubby is still sleeping but he got up to get the Paper !
Yesterday I did get some things done . I cleaned the Kitchen and moped my floors . I did 2 Loads Laundry and will do some more today ! Yesterday I took a pain pill and that did help me with my energy !
I am so excited about the test on the 26th !  I will hear the truth ! And I will handle it , no matter what it is !

I have been watching a bunch of News in the last couple of days ! It is a shame how everybody is talking " shit " about our President ! I am getting so sick of it ! It is Racism and you will not convince me otherwise ! Why can't  People just live with one another ?
Let's face it : They might call themselves Christians but they have no clue about Christianity ! Never in my life have I ever seen this kind of Racism and hatred .

Why are we calling our self's the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA ? When in reality we are the DIVIDED STATES OF AMERICA !

The Nurse called me this morning and asked me how I am ! I told her that I had to much going on right now . I just can't get myself to go back over there right now !
I put together bags with Veterans beads and stuffed animals and some candy for Dr. Casey , Cheryl and Amy . Needless to say ( he been shopping again )
In Order to get the Guestroom back in shape , I better make all the Packages for the other Doctors . Why do I always end up having to that ? Every Year he has best intention's and I get stuck with the Job . When I was healthy I would have enjoyed it .

No use in complaining because he does so much for me , by " making groceries " . So , we need each other now .
I am posting some of the pictures of Halloween ! 

I will do no chemo until after Thanksgiving

Made up my Mind ! I will not go to Chemo until I take this Pet Scan on the 26th and on the 29th I will see my Dr. to hear the results ! Then I go from there ! I still feel bad l everything tastes the same ! I am always tired and I lay in Bed a lot ! But at least I have no pain right now !
The worst thing about Cancer is the fact that you have NO POWER over this damn cancer ! And that is what brings me down ! I am still depressed ( even though I am on Anti Depressant ! )
I am not afraid to die , but I surely don't want to suffer either . I put it in Gods Hands and for now because I don't have any Control over it .

Seen my Dr finally a day after Election

Seen my Dr. on the 7th and had a long talk with him . I told him that I need a light at the end of the Tunnel and so he scheduled me for a PET SCAN on the 26th this month ! He did tell me to fight and I told him that I am tired of Chemo that makes me hurt all over and I am not sure if I wanted to live my last Years in that kind of shape !
Then that afternoon my Husband is telling me that he don't feel good and by 18:00 he asked me to call 911 since he felt like a stroke ! Our youngest son came over and the Fire department and Ambulance took him to SMH and I stayed home because I was supposed to get Chemo . That night I could hardly sleep and when I finally slept he called me from the Hospital . They kept him overnight and I was glad because I wanted to know what went wrong . Later on that Day I went to see him against my Dr's Advise but I had to go  and had no choice ! Now I really do hate this Hospital but they are the only ones to have a Neurologist  ! When I got there our youngest son was there and  he asked me if I was done with the Chemo and I called in that day that I could not come in because my Husband ! But I said that they called me and told me that my Platelets where 2 low for Chemo ( Little white lie ! ) But I just can't be feeling bad when he needs me ! But I felt bad anyway ! I stayed 4 Hours and went home ! The way he was talking to the Nurses got on my last nerves . At home I called our Grandson and told him what is going on 1 we TALKED  for a long time and he told me NOT to smoke ! I did confess to his Girlfriend that I did buy a pack and smoked one ! I know he is right and I am totally ashamed that I still sneak Cigarettes ! But sometimes I tell myself that it doesn't matter with Stage 4 Cancer ! Let's face it , it is the Depression that makes me smoke ! But I need to get stronger to fight this damn Cancer . Friday I was able to take my Husband home ! He acted so weird ! He hugged all the Nurses and blew them kisses ,

Depression

Living with Cancer is weird ! Some people just don't get it . I am lucky I have a few Real Good Friends ( Liane , Doris Elke and Teri ) I am so tired of my bald head !
My Husband's Brother and his wife came to see us for a few days ! I felt so good and took it as a " Miracle " because right after they left I was sick again !
I eat yoghurt and Grits and maybe some Ice cream . Tomorrow I have to give Blood Tuesday I will vote for OBAMA and Wednesday I will see my Arrogant  Doctor that will really be surprised ; when I tell him how I feel !
Tired ... always tired . I am tired of being sick and tired