What do you do when you just don't want 2 go on ?

I know it sounds crazy but I feel so drained and disappointed that I feel pretty hopeless today.  I feel so weak again and I am shocked that my Doctor would not be able to talk 2 me
The Receptionist was a real snotty BIATCH ( sorry , my Blog , my Words ) and if I find out that the message was not passed on to him I will blow another Casket .
The Emergency Doctor told me that my Platelets where down to 20 and to instantly go see my Doctor the next day .... Well, I am very down about it and feel like a Number again.
I am not sure if I can make it through this Treatment or if I even want to go on period . But I do know one thing : I had a wonderful Life and all my Affairs are in Order ! ( Just being organized ) I am not at peace but I feel like I am going in the right direction , in my Mind ...